Your mouth is God's brothel.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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