My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
