Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
COCAINE IS GR8
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
