And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
