Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
accomplished twins. life is a go
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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