My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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