I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
50% drunk capacity currently
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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