It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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