If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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