No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i've created a new STD.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
