I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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