I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
