I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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