Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
