ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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