Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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