Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I look better un-naked...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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