yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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