i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
