One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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