i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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