We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
