Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You're a waste of cheezeits
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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