I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
