Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
