He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
