i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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