Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
