Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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