Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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