recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
