After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
