alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
