I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
