Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
