My room smells like vodka and shame
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
