i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
