I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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