Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
