Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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