my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
