Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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