I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
