When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
