Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
