Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
