i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
