So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
