my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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