we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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