i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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