i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize