it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
