Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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