I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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