OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
