She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize