it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
