some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
