Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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