oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
