tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
