The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
