The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
