carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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