He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
