Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
