It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize