Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
