HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
