It's like a parade of train wrecks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
