Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
